1、101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version) Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there. Monica: Theres nothing to tell! Hes just some guy I work with! Joey: Come on, youre going out with the guy! Theres gotta be something wrong with him! Chandler
2、: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? (They all stare, bemused.) Phoebe: Just, cause, I dont want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. Its just two people goi
3、ng out to dinner and- not having sex. Chandler: Sounds like a date to me. Time Lapse Chandler: Alright, so Im back in high school, Im standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked. All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize theres a phone. th
4、ere. Joey: Instead of.? Chandler: Thats right. Joey: Never had that dream. Phoebe: No. Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I dont know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica: And they werent looking at you before?! Chandler: Finally, I figure Id better answer it, and
5、 it turns out its my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me! Time Lapse, Ross has entered. Ross: (mortified) Hi. Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. Monica: Are you okay, sweetie? Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pu
6、lled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck. Chandler: Cookie? Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh. Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee. Ross: Thanks. Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.) Ross: No, no dont!
7、 Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? Phoebe: Fine! Be murky! Ross: Ill be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope shell be very happy. 101 试播 没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！ 少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！ 打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背又带假发？ 慢着，他吃粉笔吗？ 我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。 各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐，而且不做爱。 听起来好像是
8、说我的约会。 记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，突然发现自己全身赤裸。 我做过那样的梦。 我低头一看，看见有一支电话在那儿。 而不是？ 没错。 我没做过那样的梦 ,没有。 那支电话突然响起，而我不知道怎么办，每个人都开始望着我。 他们以前不看你吗？！ 终于，我认为我应该接，结果是我妈打来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过电话给我！ 嗨。 这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。 你还好吧？ 我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我的肠子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我脖上 饼干？ 卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。 - 我帮你泡杯咖啡， 谢了。 不要别清理我的灵气。可是别碰我的灵气就是了。 好吧，保持晦气！ 我会没事的，真
9、的，我祝她幸福。 Monica: No you dont. Ross: No I dont, to hell with her, she left me! Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian. Ross: No! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didnt know, how should I know? Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. (They all stare at him.) Did I say that o
10、ut loud? Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well. Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., “Ill never have grandchildren, Ill never have grandchildren.“ was what? A wrong number? Ross: Sorry. Joey: Alright Ross, look. Y
11、oure feeling a lot of pain right now. Youre angry. Youre hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? (Ross gestures his consent.) Joey: Strip joint! Cmon, youre single! Have some hormones! Ross: I dont want to be single, okay? I just. I just- I just wanna be married again! (Rachel enters in a wet we
12、dding dress and starts to search the room.) Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.) Monica: Rachel?! Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you werent there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, yo
13、u are! Waitress: Can I get you some coffee? Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross? Rachel: Hi, sure! Ross: Hi. (They go to
14、 hug but Rosss umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.) Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? Rachel: Oh God. well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I wa
15、s in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet n Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got real
16、ly freaked out, and thats when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Yknow, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but. Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?. (to Monica) So anyway I just didnt know where to
17、go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but youre the only person I knew who lived here in the - 不，你不会的，没错， - 我不会的，去她的，她甩掉我！ 而且你一直都不知道她是女同性恋者。 没有！行了吧？！为何大家都围着这个话题打转？连她不知道，我怎会知道。 有时真希望自己也是个女同志。我刚刚大声说出来了吗？ 昨晚我告诉我父母，他们好像还挺好。 真的吗，凌晨三点我接到一个电话，一个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉， “我不能抱孙子了， 我不能抱孙子了。 ”那是什么？打错了？ 对
18、不起。 别闷闷不乐了，罗斯。你现在很痛苦。我一肚子火 ,心如刀割。能告诉你解决之道吗？ 脱衣舞 酒店 。你单身，有性需求。 我不想单身的。我只想再结婚。 我只想要一百万！ - 瑞秋？！ - 天啊，莫妮卡，谢天谢地！我到过你的住处，你不在。有个拿着一根大榔头的人说你可能会在这儿，结果你真的在这儿。 想来杯咖啡吗？ 无咖啡因的。各位，她叫瑞秋，另一位从林肯高中生存下来的人。这位叫钱德勒，菲比，乔伊。还记得我哥罗斯吗？ 当然。 嗨。 你想现在告诉我们，还是等伴娘来再说？ 婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼物的房间里，看着船形卤肉盘，非常漂亮的船形卤肉盘，突然间 有没有代糖？我了解船形卤肉盘此巴瑞更
19、能引起我的 “性趣 ”，我自己都吓了一跳， 巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直都认为他很眼熟。总之 ,我必须离开。我开始想，我为何这么做？我为谁这样做？于是我不知该走往何处，我知道你我日渐疏远。但是你是我在这个城市，认识的唯一一个人。 city. Monica: Who wasnt invited to the wedding. Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldnt be an issue. Scene: Monicas Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV a
20、nd are trying to figure out what is going on. Monica: Now Im guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and shes really not happy about it. Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide! Ross: (in a deep voice) Ill have whatever Christine is having. Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I
21、just. I cant marry him! Im sorry. I just dont love him. Well, it matters to me! (The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.) Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push her down the
22、 stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! (She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.) Rachel: Cmon Daddy, listen to me! Its like, its like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, Youre a shoe! Youre a shoe,
23、 youre a shoe, youre a shoe!. And today I just stopped and I said, What if I dont wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, yknow? Or a- or a hat! No, Im not saying I want you to buy me a hat, Im saying I am a ha- Its a metaphor, Daddy! Ross: You can see where hed have trouble. Rachel: Look Da
24、ddy, its my life. Well maybe Ill just stay here with Monica. Monica: Well, I guess weve established whos staying here with Monica. Rachel: Well, maybe thats my decision. Well, maybe I dont need your money. Wait! Wait, I said maybe! Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag. Monica: Just breath
25、e, breathe thats it. Just try to think of nice calm things. Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens. La la la la.something and noodles with string. These are a few. Rachel: Im all bette
26、r now. Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped! Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, yknow? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, hat thing. Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and C
27、handler live across the hall. And hes away a lot. Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! Its her wedding day! Joey: What, like theres a rule or something? (The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.) Chandler: Please dont do that again, its a horrible sound. 好像是唯一没受邀参加婚礼的人。 这件事就甭提啦。 我猜他送她一台管风琴，她肯定不喜欢，
28、 金枪鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉？ 快决定！ 我要拥有克莉丝汀拥有的一切。 爸，我不能嫁给他对不起，我只是不爱他。对，是我的问题！ 如果我没了头发， 还不如去死。 她不该穿那条裤子。 我建议推她下楼， 推她下楼！推她下楼！推她下楼！ 爸，你听我说大家这样评价我这一辈子：你是一只鞋今天我倒想看看如果我不再是鞋会怎样。我说如果我想当皮包呢？ 或是帽子呢？不，我不需你帮我买帽子。我说我是一顶帽子。爸，这是一种比喻。 你看他也有些问题。 爸，这是我的人生。或许我会和莫妮卡住在这儿。 我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这儿。 或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的钱。 等一下，等一下我说的是或许！ 深呼吸，就这样。试着想
29、着美好的事物 玫瑰上的雨滴，猫嘴上的胡须，门铃和雪橇之类的。啦 啦 啦还有手套 我现在好多了。 我的功劳。 或许这样最好，要自立，决定自己的事情。 有任何需要找乔伊准没错。我和钱德勒就住在对面，而且他经常不在家。 乔伊 ,少趁虚而入了，今天是她大喜的日子。 什么？有规定不能吗？ Paul: (over the intercom) Its, uh, its Paul. Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in! Joey: Whos Paul? Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul? Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait.
30、 Your not a real date tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy? Ross: He finally asked you out? Monica: Yes! Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment. Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel. Rachel: Please, no, go, thatd be fine! Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay? Ross: (choke
31、d voice) Thatd be good. Monica: (horrified) Really? Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! Its Paul the Wine Guy! Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesnt know.) (Theres a knock on the door and its Paul.) Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is (They are a
32、ll lined up next to the door.). everybody, everybody, this is Paul. All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey! Chandler: Im sorry, I didnt catch your name. Paul, was it? Monica: Okay, umm-umm, Ill just-Ill be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah. Ross: A wandering? Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Show
33、s Paul in) Two seconds. Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That cant be good. (Monica goes to change.) Joey: Hey, Paul! Paul: Yeah? Joey: Heres a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red. Monic
34、a: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey! Ross: So Rachel, whatre you, uh. whatre you up to tonight? Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing! Ross: Right, youre not even getting your honeymoon, God No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year. talk abou
35、t your- (thinks) -big lizards. Anyway, if you dont feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture. Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and were very excited about it. Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think Im just gonna hang out here tonight. Its be
36、en kinda a long day. Ross: Okay, sure. Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help? 别再这样，声音很刺耳。 我是保罗。 天啊， 6:30了吗？让他进来！ 保罗是谁？调酒的那个保罗？ 或许吧。 等等 ,你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个保罗约会吧？ 他终于开口约你了？对。 终于被你等到了。 瑞秋，等等，我可以取消。 不用了，你去吧，我不会有事的。 罗斯，你没事吧。你要我留下来吗？ 那样最好 真的吗？ - 假的，去吧！是保罗，调酒师耶！ 什么意思？他是卖酒的，喝酒的，还是评酒的？ 请进！ 保罗，这位是 各位，各位，他就是保罗。 保罗调酒大师
37、。 抱歉，我没听清楚你名字。保罗，是吗？ 我马上就好，我去，去 神魂恍惚啦？ 换衣服！请坐，两秒钟。 我刚拔掉四根睫毛，不妙。 嗨，保罗！ 嗯，有何指教？ 一个小秘密，莫妮卡其实就喜欢这样，你摩擦她脖子的同一个地方，反反复复，直到那里开始有点发红。 乔伊你给我闭嘴！ 瑞秋，你打算如何渡过今晚？ 我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中，因此没了！ 我懂，你没去渡蜜月。虽然阿鲁巴在此时有很多大蜥蜴，如果你今晚不想独处，乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我组合新家俱， 对，我们都相当兴奋。 谢谢，但我今晚想待在这儿，我折磨了一天。 好吧，当然。 菲此，想帮忙吗？ Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could,
38、 but I dont want to. Commercial Break Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change. Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love.is like a giant pigeon.crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change
39、 and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la.ohhh! Scene: Rosss Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture. Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) Im supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see n
40、o whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs. (Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.) Joey: Im thinking weve got a bookcase here. Chandler: Its a beautiful thing. Joey: (picking up a leftover part) Whats this? Chandler: I would have to say that is an L-shaped bracket. Joey: W
41、hich goes where? Chandler: I have no idea. (Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.) Joey: Done with the bookcase! Chandler: All finished! Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carols favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known. Joey: Hey
42、-hey-hey-hey, if youre gonna start with that stuff were outta here. Chandler: Yes, please dont spoil all this fun. Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get? Ross: You guys. Chandler: Oh, God. Joey: You got screwed. Chandler: Oh my God! S
43、cene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating. Monica: Oh my God! Paul: I know, I know, Im such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get? Monica: My brothers going through that right now, hes such a m
44、ess. How did you get through it? Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her- Monica: -leg? Paul: (laughing) Thats one way! Me, I- I went for the watch. Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriends favor
45、ite bath towel. 我可以去，但我不去。 爱情似炎炎夏日中的阵雨般美妙， love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love,your love. is like a giant pigeon.crapping on my heart.啦 -啦 -啦 -啦 -啦 - 谢谢。 我应该用蜗杆将托架装在侧面 ， 但我没看见托架和蜗杆 ， 而且 ， 我的脚好麻。 我想我们做好 书 架了。 真漂亮。 这是什么？ 我只能说这是个 “L”型托架。 是哪儿的？ 我也不知道。 书架做好了！终于做好了！ 这是卡罗最爱喝的啤酒。 她总是不
46、用杯子喝，我早应该看出蛛丝马迹。 嗨 如果你再这样，我们就走了。 对啊，请不要破坏这里的乐趣。 罗斯，我问你一个问题。 她分得家俱，音响和好电视。 你分得什么？ 你们。 天啊。 你昏头了吧。 嗯，天啊！ 嗯，天啊。 我知道，我是个大白痴。 她每周看四五次牙医时我就该了解， 我指牙齿能有多干净？ 我哥正承受着这种痛苦， 一副失魂落魄的样子。 你是怎么熬过来的？ 你可以不小心砸烂她贵着的东西，如她的 她的 腿？ Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you. Monica: Thats right. Scene: Monicas Apartment, Rachel is talkin
47、g on the phone and pacing. Rachel: Barry, Im sorry. I am so sorry. I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isnt. it isnt, its about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again.
48、 anyway.look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isnt me, its not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too. (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.) Scene: Rosss Apartment; Ro
49、ss is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture. Ross: Im divorced! Im only 26 and Im divorced! Joey: Shut up! Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.) Ross: That only took me an hour. Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we havent had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You
