1、ESCAPING THE PORNOGRAPHY TRAP,Presented by Bil Mooney-McCoy Director of Safe Families TechMission, Boston, MA July, 2006,http:/safefamilies.org,Postcard from Hell,“This is heavySomething unnatural, and way beyond my control is driving me on a futile search for more and more.I love You, Lord; no othe
2、r sin do I routinely commit in deliberate, premeditated fashion, not wanting to hurt you, but unable to stop. Today, the entire day was spent masturbating, fantasizing, looking at porn. Why?Its wild that the good boy, who has never stolen, played hooky, cheated, lied (almost), drank, done drugs, van
3、dalized, and still is meticulous about taxes, untempted by other vices, would fall apart and abandon love of Christ, instilled from early childhood, risk marriage, reputation, and self-esteem, waste money and time, lie to his wife and be unable to truly repent when it comes to sex.Im operating on tw
4、o levels now. On one hand, Im a deliberate, rebellious sinner, bent on a consuming lust, casting aside all concerns of godliness. But then, Im a man of God, desperately desiring to do what is right. Do not utterly forsake me!” October 1, 1986,There is hope!,ESCAPING THE PORNOGRAPHY TRAP,THERE IS HOP
5、E!,I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore. For great is thy mercy toward me: and thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest hell. Ps. 86: 12-13 (KJV),Pornographys Effect on Families,The Internet was a significant factor in 2 out of 3 divorces(
6、American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2003 - )More than 70% of men from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month (comScore Media Metrix).1 out of every 6 women, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to porn (34% of Christian women view porn) (Todays Christian Woman, Fal
7、l 2003)47% of families said pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003).,Adult Industry Statistics,Total U.S. revenue (2005): $12.6 billion (Adult Video News).U.S. adult DVD/video rentals in 2005: almost 1 billion (Adult Video News). Hotel viewership for adult
8、films out of total video on demand purchases: 55% (). Unique adult web sites visitors (monthly): 45 million (Neilsen Net Ratings).,45 Million!,Pornography Industry and the Sexualization of Society,Like Tobacco Industry Industry hooks children in early 2nd hand smut effects non-users Inescapable (mag
9、s in grocery stores) Is being “sold” as cool,Lead by example!,“Second-hand smut” can have damaging effects just like second-hand smoking Your children are watching and learning from you. How were you first exposed to pornography? (Many kids first exposure is their parents material.) Sexually provoca
10、tive material incites curiosity.,http:/,PETE THE PORNO PUPPET,Dont Mislead by example!,And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea. Mk 9:42,What is sin?,Anything at all which d
11、iminishes ones capacity to love God and His people.,Bart Campolo,SIN,MY,2 Basic Human Desires,To worship (God-filled vacuum) To not be lonely “It is not good”,Porn tries to meet these needs,We worship the images, the act, the anatomy, the gods and goddesses And make great sacrifices Virtual connecti
12、on Easier than real life relationships Can lead to face-to-face,Freedom vs. Recovery,Position & Process,Recognition,Phases of Recovery - Recognition,Depth of infestation True cost,Phases of Recovery Recognition, contd,Brings about shame and hiding It takes away focus from people in your life Eats lo
13、ts of time It diminishes your capacity to think and focus Can get expensive financially, emotionally, and socially Creates skewed perceptions of reality for real life relationships, leading to disappointment Looking at porn is self-seeking. We ought to look to the needs of others Guilt causes one to
14、 avoid gathering with other believers which affects their walk with christ Pornography feeds the lonely deprived spots of a persons mind but does not fulfill the need A part of you dies when using porn; one gives away a piece of their soul to object of lust Loss of innocence, which is a hard thing t
15、o regain Dependency on porn is self-perpetuating. Addictive. Self hatred (shame)/ self esteem issues Can cause anxiety The glorification of the “perfect” body can make a person feel ashamed of her/his own Creates a fear of having a real relationship Makes you afraid of God rather than reverence for
16、God Never satisfies, just feel worse afterwards Destroys vision and purpose in life Images are permanent in ones memory Validates violence against and exploitation of women and children Separates sex from true sexual intimacy, trivializes what God made as serious Promotes casual sex without addressi
17、ng the consequences (emotional and physical - stds, etc.) Porn encourages users to think of the people as objects. Desensitizes to the vulnerability of real people by emphasizing personal gratification Pornography diminishes the value of the intimacy between husband and wife Pornography puts a wall
18、between people due to mistrust, guilt, shame, and disappointment Instead of healing old emotional scars, it creates new ones in all people involved Causes pain to everyone Its just not cool!,Why is Porn Bad?,Withdrawal,Phases of Recovery - Withdrawal,IT HURTS!,Pink Cloud,Phases of Recovery - Pink Cl
19、oud,Is a gift Doesnt last Enthusiasm may not be shared,Resentment Volcano,Phases of Recovery - Resentment Volcano,Feelings uncovered Actually sign of healing,Premature Checkout,Phases of Recovery - Premature Checkout,Obvious symptoms go underground But fundamentally, I havent changed,Commitment to R
20、ecovery,Phases of Recovery - Commitment to Recovery,A journey and lifestyle,Complacency Daze,Phases of Recovery - Complancy Daze,Doing the “right stuff”, but not fully engaged New, “less serious” behaviors or temptations,Recognition Withdrawal Pink Cloud Resentment Volcano Premature Checkout Commitm
21、ent to Recovery Complacency Daze,Phases of Recovery Summary,Is it me or it is Jesus?,YES!,God has the power; I choose to walk in it.,Is it me or is Jesus?,No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when
22、 you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. I Cor. 10: 13 (NIV),No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so
23、 that you can stand up under it. I Cor. 10: 13 (NIV),No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. I Cor. 10: 13 (NIV
24、),ESCAPE!,PRIME DIRECTIVES,OFF THE FENCE SHUT THE DOORPLUG IT INSTAY ON BOARD,RESISTANCE ACADEMY,Identify exactly what you want to change; settle it Develop and Sign Media Sobriety Covenant with Partner Clear the decks, make time and space Get support (mentors and a “study group“) Document the benef
25、its of not yielding; memorize Study your vulnerability; learn from others Start working on major underlying issues,STRUCTURES TO SET IN PLACE, GROUNDWORK TO BE LAID, DIRECTION FOR RECOVERY WORK,Media Sobriety Covenant,For Those in Recovery for Pornography or Media Addiction,Have Accountability Partn
26、erHave Accountability SoftwareRecovery Groups Close Entry PointsLearn about Recovery Have Transparency with SpouseEnd Online AffairsAvoid Hiding,http:/www.safefamilies.org/mediasobrietycovenantrecovery.php,ROUTINE MAINTENANCE,Acknowledge powerless and dependence daily Deliberately connect with God M
27、ake a decision daily, verbally Practice ongoing routines of accountability Disown ambivalence; gray areas Set boundaries and safeguards; frequently review Be aware of times of internal vulnerability (like Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) Anticipate challenging, dangerous (external) situations Stay mind
28、ful and grateful for past victories,ONGOING HABITS FOR A NEW LIFESTYLE,Qualifications for Accountability Partner,Same Sex Is experiencing victory and healing Is not easily fooled Can keep confidence Is available for daily check in by phone or email Will meet for regular face to face meetings (2 - 4
29、month) Is willing to be “on call” for times of stress and temptation Is willing to be “not so nice”, to ask difficult questions Will monitor my internet usage,Accountability Questions,DAILY RENEWAL Are you willing to admit you are powerless over lust and sexual acting out, just for today? Do you des
30、ire sobriety for the next 24 hours: freedom from sexual obsession and acting out, freedom from fear, resentment, shame, and isolation? Are you willing to do whatever is necessary to protect this desire including spiritual reading, reaching out and calling others, prayer and meditation, physical care
31、 of your body, setting appropriate boundaries, and refusing all lust hits as toxic? Do you realize that at the end of these 24 hours, you are free to continue with sobriety or to go another way? Do you understand that this renewal does not keep you sober (God does), but it does make you aware of you
32、rself and accountable to others? And, just for today, are you willing with me to hand over your will and the care of your life to the One Who kept you sober yesterday and has protected you from the full consequences of your lust in the past?God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot ch
33、ange, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done. Have you done anything in the last 24 hours that youre ashamed of? Are you planning to do something you will be ashamed of?Exchange at least one gratitude,“The Daily”,Keeps me aware of my
34、self Helps others be involved in my life Lets me be connected to others lives,Accountability Software,Software that runs in the background of your computerReports on your internet usage on a regular basisCannot be deactivated without your partners knowledgeDoes not prevent questionable web surfing,
35、but flags it,Filters are for children; accountability software is for adults,Covenant Eyes Demo,http:/CovenantE $6.99/mo. or less Pricing for households/ministry staff/business Regularly sends list of ALL web visits to selected recipients,http:/ FREE Ministry of xxxchurch Regularly sends list of que
36、stionable web visits to selected recipients Works for Macs!,Existing Structured Groups for Pornography Addiction,12 step groupsLiving WatersOnline groups,http:/,http:/www.christians-in-,http:/desertstream.org,http:/safefamilies.org/pastorindividualstep6.php,Structured Pastor/Counselor Led Accountabi
37、lity Groups,Strength in Numbers Groups http:/blazinggrace.org (Mike Genung)Celebrate Recovery kit http:/ Peer Support Group Guidelines,Talk with pastor and enlist support for starting peer-support group Meet weekly or bi-weekly to read through book Groups Rules for Safety Same sex small groups No cr
38、osstalk: dont comment on what others share Do not give advice Sign confidentiality agreement Avoid giving “advice prayer” or consider using pre-written prayers to keep safety in group,No leader like 12 step groups,Suggested Books for Reading in Accountability Groups,Every Mans Battle (with workbook)
39、 Mens Secret Wars At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry,by Steve Gallagher,by Patrick A. Means,by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, Mike Yorkey,CODE RED,Know when Im in trouble; dont minimize Cry out to God for help; feel the feelings Call for help; sound the alarm Do something positive; anything. Help som
40、eone Choose to stop at all levels; if possible, run Raise your Ebeneezer; gratitude Look for underlying cause; address it Check for loose connections (relational breakdowns),WHEN TEMPTATION IS STRONG OR THINGS ARE VERY STRESSFUL,DAMAGE CONTROL,Full confession to God including setup Know Gods sorrow,
41、 wrath, and love; grieve Accept forgiveness; forgive yourself Disclose to another person immediately Seek underlying needs Empty hidden bottles what am I still trying to get away with? Trace back to the decision/non-decision point Learn from mistakes; redraw boundaries Get back in the game,AFTER DIF
42、FICULT TIMES, WHETHER SUCCESSFULLY HANDLED OR NOT,“We fall down, but we get up.”,Strategies Recap,OFF THE FENCE SHUT THE DOOR PLUG IT IN STAY ON BOARD,Strategies Against Temptation,Dont try them all at once!,G,2 Essentials,HOW TO,WANT TO,by any means necessary?,is able,is willing,is ready when you a
43、re,O,D,D,O,IFT OF DESPERATION,OOD ORDERLY DIRECTION,1 Source,To web pages and documents described in this presentation,Links.,Media Sobriety Covenant: http:/www.safefamilies.org/mediasobrietycovenantrecovery.php Daily Renewal Questions: http:/safefamilies.org/docs/dailyrenewal.doc Daily (Excel Sprea
44、dsheet): http:/safefamilies.techmission.org/docs/daily.xls Temptation Strategies Summary: http:/safefamilies.techmission.org/docs/Temptation%20Strategies.doc XXXChurch (Pete the Porno Puppet and X3watch Accountability Software): http:/ Covenant Eyes Accountability Software: http:/CovenantE Online Sa
45、fety Manual for Non-Profits: http:/www.safefamilies.org/docs/manual_nonprofits.doc Strength in Numbers Groups: http:/blazinggrace.org Celebrate Recovery Kit: http:/ 12 step group information: http:/safefamilies.org/pastorindividualstep6.php Living Waters: http:/desertstream.org Christians In Recovery: http:/christians-in- Setting Captives Free: http:/,ESCAPING THE PORNOGRAPHY TRAP,Presented by Bil Mooney-McCoy Director of Safe Families TechMission, Boston, MA July, 2006 http:/safefamilies.org,
